August 28, 2014 - 22 weeks

I'm trying to stay positive. I'm also failing, miserably, which is something I'm neither used to nor good at doing. I'm usually an upbeat person; I look on the bright side. I always see the silver lining. Yet, here I am, 22 weeks pregnant, more than halfway there and my ability to handle any sort of stress, anxiety or other negativity feels like its disintegrated.

Part of this is the fact that I'm extremely busy. In running a business, you never really stop working. Even though I've bought a laptop so that I can continue to remain connected during my maternity leave, the fact remains that I have to plan for my departure. That's difficult. It also means I'm ceding control and I don't really like doing that very much. Maybe, if I could sleep properly and comfortably, I'd be less cranky.

The house closes next week and we are almost done with the furniture and renovations scheduling. Thankfully, I'm getting a lot of help.

I'm going to register this afternoon, even though I don't plan on having a baby shower until after baby comes. At least I don't appear to be getting any bigger. If baby wasn't kicking so much, it would be really hard to see it as anything other than fat. Then again, s/he is supposedly the size of a papaya this week. I'm excited for baby, I just don't love the process of getting there.

S/He will be a winter baby like me. I'm almost sad s/he will miss the autumn. I love the fall and Halloween. So excited for Halloween in our new house! We're having a little Capricorn, unless s/he decides to come really early though, so we'll just have to find other things to love about snow.

August 20, 2014 - 21 weeks

I can't believe it's been a whole month since my last entry. I've been so busy!!

First, Husband and I finally found a house we like and managed to actually buy it too! (I swear, this market is insane.) Coupled with that, we sold our condo in ONE DAY. Such a whirlwind.

Second, after buying a house and measuring the rooms, we were in need of furniture to supplement what we already have. (Plus I had my eye on a king sized bed.) Thanks to my mum, we managed to furnish 90% of the house in ONE DAY. I'm finally getting a king sized bed - YESSSSSS!

The day after that, my mum, sister and I went nursery furniture browsing and again: ONE DAY and I found furniture I'm happy with that Husband also likes. We also decided on a stroller and car seat combination and found a reasonably priced bassinet that I think is going to come in very handy. I haven't registered yet, but I'm sure I'll get to that next month for the smaller items, like linens. We haven't picked a full colour palette for baby's room, because we decided against learning baby's gender. I still think it's a girl, but I don't know for sure. I keep referring to baby as "she" or "her", but Husband keeps telling me not to refer to his son that way. One of us is wrong; we just don't want to know yet.

Which brings me to our 20 week anatomy scan. Baby is measuring well and is quite the little soccer player. We got only good news from the doctor (I love my doctor and his staff! Amazing office.) Everything seems to be progressing well. I'm showing, although I still look like I might just be a little fat, rather than obviously pregnant. My weight gain is plaguing me, but it's good, normal and not excessive. I'm just having trouble dealing with gaining weight - I've been the same weight for the past 15 years, it's tough. I'm a little nervous about post-natal depression, but figure I've got enough to concentrate on to add another potentially useless worry.

Husband and I also enjoyed a wonderful Babymoon in NYC! Except for the flights, which were a complete disaster. If you are ever in NYC, you must see A Gentleman's Guide to Love and Murder. It was fantastic! I have only amazing things to say about it. Hilarious - even Husband, who doesn't love theatre, enjoyed it immensely!

We went shopping, too! Maternity shopping in the States is so much better than in Canada. Not only are the prices better, but the selection is incomparable. I finally got a couple of much needed maternity bras. We don't have to talk about sizing...

It was a lovely weekend. Very relaxing and filled with good food. I'm still mostly eating fruits and veggies, but I managed to indulge in some spicy food and some Chinese food while there without vomiting. Yay for reduced morning sickness! I thought it was entirely gone, but I was sadly mistaken. We even got to enjoy a fabulous dinner with Husband's cousins who live in NYC. I never really had cousins that were close to my age, so it was a new experience for me. I'm sure we'll be repeating it!

I can't say I love being pregnant, because I honestly don't. I love that I'll get a baby at the end of it, but I wish December/January would come faster! (Except I don't - I just love September and October. They are my favourite months of the year. I want to enjoy them!) The problem with an estimated due date of New Year's is that I don't really know whether I'll have a December Capricorn or a January Capricorn. I think I'll probably be late - especially if my mum's experiences are any indication. I hope baby is born after the holidays; I know it can be really difficult to have a birthday during that time frame.

My attitude is a little more positive now that I'm not constantly either exhausted or vomiting ... or both. Husband's sister and children are visiting so it's nice to be able to stay awake long enough to see them. Plus, his sister is expecting too, so it's nice to be able to talk to her about it. It's also nice being able to feel baby move around. I'm pretty sure that's what I'm feeling all the time, since I can't imagine what else it would be. While I was updating my iPod the other day, baby decided s/he liked my jazz collection and starting kicking me relentlessly! As soon as I switched to Nirvana, baby stopped. I guess we'll have to train him/her on that. It's amazing how easily s/he responds to music though.

We've added a couple of nice routines to our home too. Husband talks to my stomach all the time - he greets baby as if s/he's right there. It's nice. He's so happy, it makes me happy even when I'm nauseous. It makes it a little easier to get through the day.

Only one weird new craving: While furniture shopping with my parents this past weekend, my dad and Husband went out to grab a coffee and asked me if I wanted anything. I said chocolate and my dad asked if I wanted coleslaw with that. He was kidding but it sounded amazing to me!

July 23 - 17 weeks

I wish there was more to share in the last couple of weeks. I still feel basically the same. I'm sleeping a lot and vomiting. It's like my ability to deal with stress, which was considerable prior to pregnancy, has completely disappeared.

I've started looking at "baby stuff"; strollers, cribs, change tables, diaper bags, etc. It's so overwhelming I feel like I can't even look. This is so not like me. Moreover, most pregnant ladies love doing this kind of thing, or so I was told. I don't even want to do it. There are too many options, too many things to plan and do and I'm not feeling all glowy and wonderful. I feel massively bloated; that's about it.

I so wish I was one of those blissful pregnant ladies. I'm just not.

Husband and I started thinking of names, writing down options. This is way more difficult than I predicted. Thank everything for the best ob/gyn (and his staff) that keeps me on track.

July 8, 2014

I haven't done a diary entry in about a month. Why? Nausea and vomiting. It didn't go away. Reduced? Well, a little. Gone? Ha! No. :(

Otherwise, I've told almost everyone I know. I was planning on telling everyone before I posted (which was today actually), but it just felt right, so I went with it.

I'm 15 weeks tomorrow; I'm in maternity clothes for the most part and I am so goddamn uncomfortable. I've heard all about getting even more uncomfortable. I'm not looking forward to it.

I can eat some more spicy foods, but not like I used to be able to eat. At least my cravings for salad, cucumbers and peaches are healthy.

Everyone says I'm crazy, but I feel baby move every once in awhile. I'm supposed to start feeling constant movement around 16-18 weeks, but baby's a squirmy little thing and I've always paid attention to my body. Thankfully, although I have a definite bump, I haven't really gained that much weight.

Also, Husband and I booked a babymoon for early August, so we're pretty excited about that!

June 11, 2014

11 weeks today! So close to being able to start telling people!!! I have been avoiding my friends so I wouldn't have to tell them.

What's new? I can eat spicier food again, which is great for my palette. Peaches have been added to my strawberry and orange obsession.  I had a 7 day run of no vomiting and then yesterday it all went to hell. Oh, and today. If I vomit every morning until week 12 starts and then it magically disappears, I will still consider myself lucky.

Husband and I are really hoping that week 12 will begin and it will all magically disappear. That's what I've been told. If it doesn't happen, I will probably be devastated.

I'm starting to get fat and by that I mean I have a mini-bump going on which is making me feel fat. I've gain max. 5 lbs, but not being able to wear my pants because everything is uncomfortable is making me feel disgusting. Yes, I know Baby is in there and I should be happy. I am. I just hate feeling fat, uncomfortable and bloated. The mood swings make me weepy. I'm still tired all the time unless the sun is down; then, I can't sleep properly.

I wish I was more upbeat this week. Between the nausea, vomiting, sleep deprivation and constant fatigue, it's been difficult. We're still house hunting and it's not going so well. Hopefully the happy hormones kick in soon.